> ## Content Index
> Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.hawtornvrabot.com/llms.txt
> Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further.

# Bloodhound
- URL: https://www.hawtornvrabot.com/bloodhound/
- Published: 2026-10-07T17:10:25.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-07T17:10:25.000Z
- Description: I meant every word. I’m still trying to understand how I wounded you.
- Author: Hawtorn V. Rabot
- Tags: poetry, reflection, grief

[![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/c0/f4/c0f495aa-acfd-4874-a863-dd05d41ad299/content/images/2026/10/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-1--2026--05_12_45-PM.png)](https://www.hawtornvrabot.com/about/?ref=hawtornvrabot.com) 

Click here to see how to support me. It has links to my book, Buy Me a Coffee, and paid subscriber options.

[Support Me ](https://www.hawtornvrabot.com/about/?ref=hawtornvrabot.com) 

## Sign up for Hawtorn V. Rabot

I try to answer questions I wonder and ask, usually ending with more questions. Poetry, memoir, fiction, essay, rap, politics, analyses - nicheless. I'm just a guy who writes.

Subscribe 

Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. 

No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

I never lied or told you a fib  
I only spoke truth, I really did  
When I said it, I meant it  
Every single word  
I felt every moment, every minute, every second  
Is, am, will be, and were

I didn’t feel like me  
So dreamy, so hopeful  
I was… happy?  
The first red flag  
This wasn’t me  
Something was off

All was right and all was well  
But it’s me we’re talking about  
So what the hell?  
As the rest of the pieces  
Fell into place  
It seemed like some  
Were saving face

I thought like someone unlike me  
With dreams, love, and nothing missing  
The more I tried to buy in  
The more it felt misleading  
I examined it all  
Once, twice, thrice

As the swerve began  
I tried to steer  
Into the skid  
My foot off the gas  
But the tires slid  
Until I crashed  
I spun out on the ground  
Took me months to find  
Myself at the impound  
Still searching through the wreckage  
Like a wary bloodhound

Though the rest is blurred  
The tape rewinding  
Memories obscured  
I know it was looming  
Had I been lured?  
Was I taking a fall?  
Stupid, stupid, I fell for it  
Yet again, I hit a wall

I tried to fake my biggest smile  
My teeth are rotting  
From all the wear  
I wanted to be right  
I needed to be good  
But no matter what  
I was misunderstood

Heard me call from my pain  
Accused me of material gain  
Needed to find the air  
Get past the scare  
Nodding and smiling, I did some more  
All while my mind was closing the door

I watch my six  
I scout my twelve  
I’ve got scanners  
At three and nine  
The radar and lidar  
Inside my mind  
I come protected  
It’s guaranteed  
Don’t even try  
To come at me

Of all the people  
I knew better, I swear  
How is this me?  
I wouldn’t have dared

Yet finding the pieces  
I now can see  
Many factors? Yes.  
But it’s all got me.  
Past the anger, beyond the wrath  
It’s just pain and grief

I never meant to lie to you  
I’m always real  
Even when it hurts, I’m true  
Though I also protect myself  
At all costs  
And I wounded you

I’m so sorry

---

**Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment.**

**It's free to subscribe, share, post on socials, and tell others.**

---

> If you would like to pay sub, see the tiers below:

[Pay sub tiers](https://www.hawtornvrabot.com/#/portal/signup)

> I'm offering 20 percent off since my daughter's birthday just happened.

[20% off](https://www.hawtornvrabot.com/daughters-birthday)

---