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# If I Look
- URL: https://www.hawtornvrabot.com/if-i-look/
- Published: 2026-11-03T22:55:39.000Z
- Updated: 2026-11-04T02:31:09.000Z
- Description: Put your arms around me. Just don’t look too closely.
- Author: Hawtorn V. Rabot
- Tags: poetry, love, vulnerability

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I try to answer questions I wonder and ask, usually ending with more questions. Poetry, memoir, fiction, essay, rap, politics, analyses - nicheless. I'm just a guy who writes.

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---

Put your arms around me  
Take the first step or two  
Or four  
I have two right knees  
I never learned to dance

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Is that where my hand goes?  
Sorry, I think it brushed your ass  
I’m kind of nervous  
I swear I meant to get your hips

---

Please don’t take it wrong  
If I can’t look into your eyes  
I just need to be able to look away  
And I might not be able to  
If I look all the way

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If I look  
You’ll know my future  
But I can’t let you see the past  
It’s been seen before  
I'll fall back into that wreck

---

Though if I look and you see  
And you don’t even blink  
I guess I might just fall  
A different way

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I don’t want for you to see me  
I don’t know which parts are mine   
Anymore  
If I could fall  
in  
love  
with you  
tonight  
I would-  
n't...  
?

---

I’ve had this dance before  
I’ve heard the song already  
I’m still picking up the pieces  
I forgot what I even look like  
Please don’t think it’s you  
It’s really not

---

I said not to look in my eyes!

---

I’m sorry  
I didn’t mean it  
No, don’t reach for the pieces  
I can’t even look you in the eyes  
Why would you put parts of me together?

---

Okay, I can look in your eyes  
Only this once  
Here I go  
One, two, ———

---

> ***Sobs.***

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