poetry

I Won't Say It Ever

I won’t tell you what I need. You’ll hear everything else.

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I sit and stand and pace back and forth
I’m trying not to show my pain
I cover and hide
I fake the faces
Pose the poses
And hope you won’t see
But what I really want I won’t say

Please don’t leave

I walk and stop and look away
I can’t give away the keys
To the pieces I don’t show
Or tell you how to wound when you strike
So take that swing
It’ll hurt for sure
But my defenses are up
Vest and armor cover the wounds
You’ll never have the chance
To open the scars
Though I’ll never say

Please don’t leave

I stop and think and wonder more
I sense you getting closer
I’m on high alert
I think you mean well
But I’m not sure
And if it’s you or me
My body will choose me
Every time
I won’t tell you

Please don’t leave me

I breathe faster speak meaner and get ready
You won’t get me
Not now
Not ever
Try me
Come at me
See what happens
You won’t like it
I know it
You’ll learn it
You won’t ever hear me say

Please don’t leave me

I stare and gasp and start to cry
I hurt one who meant love
I saw it coming and couldn’t stop it
I did the therapy and work
And for what?
I can’t fix it now
It’s all too late
The remorse drips from my eyes
The sorrow swells into my stomach

I let out a cry and gasp as I whisper

Please, leave me

I’m not good for you

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