poetry

You'll Never Turn Thirteen

It’s been over four months since I lost Perry. My daughter still prays for him. I still can’t talk about him without crying.

Schnauzers overtook alligators on the food chain.

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My dog and best friend of twelve years was put down on May 30, 2026.
It was all so sudden.

I had a difficult summer for several reasons, but the biggest issue was the devastation.

I got Perry at just two months old. I was lonely and alone. He was my company. My support. I lived in that tiny place for so long, and he was my only constant.

It took two months to find it in me to go pick up his remains. I stared at the container every day. Now, I forget it’s there sometimes.

My daughter still prays for him.

I can’t talk about him without crying.

My other dog, Zoe, was not even eight weeks old when I got her at the beginning of COVID. Perry was six. She knew him her whole life.

She wasn’t herself. She still isn’t. She freaks out and runs all over the house when someone gets home, and she tries to cuddle and get in their lap the moment they walk in the door. She wasn’t quite like this with Perry, but she also always had him.

The first time she went to my parents’ house after Perry died, she ran all over it. They would stay at my parents’ house on occasion, and that must have been the last place she thought he might be.

Meanwhile, I’m just sad.

I miss him.

I will republish all the pieces I've written on him already at some point.

For now, here’s my latest poem on Perry.

Content warning: pet loss and euthanasia.

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It's been over four months

Since I’ve seen you

Though our final moments

Stay on replay

I buried my face in you

As I wept

I lay on that floor

For four hours

When you were alive

And after

I still don’t know

If the meds they used

Caused you pain

They said you “fought it”

As I hugged you tighter

And whispered you didn’t need

To be tough

That I was okay

And you did your job

As my dog

And best friend

Then I lost it

The floor was soaked

In my tears

At Zoe’s next vet visit

I was in the same room

I stared at the floor

Stuck

I’m still stuck

It was my first birthday without you

You won’t turn 13

In a little over a month

I can barely look

At your pictures

Or videos

I never know what

To say to my daughter

The other night

I said you were watching

Over us

Since your love

Was stronger than any

And can’t be ended

In death

But

I

Just

Miss

You

So

Much

It

Hurts